My Conversation with Inspire Me with Jay on Finding Freedom from Porn
Some conversations stay with you long after the recording stops.
My recent interview on Inspire Me with Jay was one of those.
Jay invited me on the show to talk about a topic most people would rather avoid: addiction to adult content and the shame that comes with it—especially in the church. Over the course of the episode we dug into my story, the roots of my addiction, how God used Celebrate Recovery and community to set me free, and the daily habits that keep me anchored in Christ today.
If you or someone you love is battling pornography or any hidden addiction, this conversation was for you.
Growing Up a Pastor’s Kid—and Losing Myself
I shared with Jay that I grew up in Michigan as a pastor’s kid.
My dad was a full-time evangelist, and my mom served in multiple ministry roles, so church and ministry were my norm. What I didn’t recognize at the time was how much self-imposed pressure I carried.
I felt like I had to:
Act a certain way
Say the “right” things
Make sure I reflected well on my parents, my church, and on God
That pressure slowly formed what I now understand as codependency—caring more about what others think of me than about what God thinks of me or what I know is true. Over time I became what I call a “master chameleon.” I could blend into almost any environment and be accepted by almost any group.
On the surface, that looked like social success. Underneath, it was the beginning of losing my own sense of identity.
How Curiosity Turned into a Porn Addiction
As a teenager I was hanging out with friends when they used a term I didn’t recognize. Everyone laughed. I didn’t. I felt left out and exposed.
That moment bothered me more than it should have.
Later that night I went home and looked the term up—determined never to be the one who didn’t get the joke again. What began as curiosity quickly became a pattern, and over time that pattern hardened into a 20-year addiction to pornography.
Like many people caught in addiction, I tried to rationalize it:
“Sex is natural.”
“I can stop whenever I want.”
“At least it’s not hurting anyone.”
But the conviction of the Holy Spirit wouldn’t let me stay there. I knew this wasn’t aligned with God’s design for my mind, my body, or my relationships. I tried again and again to quit on my own, and every time I found myself right back where I started.
Eventually, I had to admit: I couldn’t fix this on my own.
The Night Everything Started to Change: Discovering Celebrate Recovery
In 2019, my church announced it was launching a Celebrate Recovery program. If you’ve never heard of it, Celebrate Recovery is a Christ-centered recovery ministry for anyone dealing with hurts, habits, or hang-ups—not just drugs or alcohol.
I remember thinking, “That sounds like something I should check out.”
As a codependent, walking into a recovery meeting at my own church felt like walking into a spotlight. What would people think if they saw me there? Would they still respect me? Would I be judged?
Eventually, I worked up the courage and went to a meeting, planning to sit in the back, check the box, and never come back.
But God had other plans.
That night, I ended up in the newcomer group. When the leader asked, “What brings you here?” I said “Codependency” before I even fully understood the word. He gently looked at me and asked, “Is there anything else?”
That simple question opened the floodgates.
For the first time, I said out loud that I had been battling pornography for 20 years.
I braced myself for rejection—but it never came. Instead, I heard, “You’re a brave man. Thank you for sharing.” I was met with acceptance, love, and encouragement, not shame. That night marked the beginning of true freedom. I’ve now been walking in victory for years.
Changing Your Stars: The Blueprint of Becoming
During another Celebrate Recovery testimony, God used an unlikely source to frame the message of my life: the movie A Knight’s Tale.
There’s a scene where a knight rides by in full armor. A young boy tells his father, “I want to be him.” The father encourages him, but a man in the crowd scoffs, “You can’t change your stars. You’re just a peasant.”
That line—“You can’t change your stars”—kept replaying in my mind.
God began to show me that many of us live like that peasant boy. We feel trapped by our past, our upbringing, or our failures. The voice in the crowd—that voice of the enemy—whispers, “You’ll always be this way. You can’t change.”
But when we surrender our lives to Christ, we do change our stars. We’re adopted into God’s royal family. Our identity shifts from peasant to son or daughter of the King.
That picture eventually became the foundation of my book, The Blueprint of Becoming: A Practical Guide to Faith, Failure, and Finding Your Way Forward. In the book I:
Share my story as a pastor’s kid battling codependency and porn addiction
Explore biblical stories of imperfect people God used in powerful ways
Use the metaphor of constellations and a “North Star” to help readers examine their own lives
Offer journaling prompts and practical tools at the end of each chapter
Every decision, relationship, habit, and belief in our lives is like a star in our personal constellation. The question is: what is your North Star?
If it isn’t Christ, some stars may need to dim or disappear so that He becomes the brightest point guiding your path.
Why Community Beats Isolation Every Time
Jay and I also talked about how recovery and transformation don’t happen in isolation.
Whether it’s pornography, alcohol, or any other addiction, the enemy loves secrecy. Shame thrives in the dark. But healing happens in the light and in community.
That’s why I’m such a believer in:
Groups like Celebrate Recovery, AA, SA, and other Christ-centered communities
Accountability tools such as Covenant Eyes that send activity reports to a trusted partner
Small groups or book studies built around honest conversation and support
On my website, I offer a free 10-week small-group guide for The Blueprint of Becoming—one for group leaders and one for participants. You can download it at wesleyfarnsworth.com/start and turn the book into a discussion-driven journey with friends, a men’s group, or your church.
Going through the material with others builds positive peer pressure: you’re far more likely to keep moving forward when you know someone else is walking with you.
Daily Rhythms That Keep Me Free
Freedom from addiction isn’t a one-time event; it’s a daily choice. On the show, I shared some of the rhythms that help keep Christ at the center of my life:
Worship music over background noise
I intentionally listen to worship and Christian music throughout the day so the message soaking into my heart is rooted in truth, not whatever’s on the charts.Daily Scripture intake
Whether it’s a chapter, a devotional in the Bible app, or a verse of the day email, I make sure I’m in the Word consistently.Ongoing prayer conversations
Prayer isn’t something I save for meals or emergencies. I talk with God throughout the day—thanking Him, asking for wisdom, and processing what I’m feeling.Christ-centered community
I stay connected with people from church and recovery who share my desire to keep Jesus as the North Star. We do life together, not just “church events” together.
These habits don’t make me perfect, but they keep me oriented toward the One who is.
A Word to Anyone Struggling Right Now
We ended the episode with a message for anyone listening who feels stuck in addiction or shame—especially around pornography.
If that’s you, hear this:
You are not alone, and you are not beyond hope.
You are not defined by what you’ve done or what’s been done to you.
You are defined by who God says you are—and He calls you loved, chosen, and redeemable.
Your next step might be:
Admitting the struggle to God and asking Him to help.
Finding a local Celebrate Recovery or other Christ-centered group (crlocator.com is a great place to start).
Telling one trusted person the truth so the secret loses its power.
You really can “change your stars” when you bring your whole story into the light and let God and community walk with you.
If you’d like resources to get started, or to turn The Blueprint of Becoming into a group study, visit wesleyfarnsworth.com/start.
